Random-ness

Hoy esta gris el dia. Me encantan los dias grises. Nada mejor que quedarse en camita, acurrucada hasta el cuello fetching those cold spots between the sheets. Ay! si estuviera en Cuba. Hoy tengo el gorrion de la familia. De los que estan como si no estuviesen y de los que se fueron para no regresar. Las epoca de christmas siempre me pone asi, sentimental. Es que subitamente todos se quieren, todos son buenos, todo se olvida. Y yo no olvido, yo no quiero, yo no soy buena. Me porto mal en esta temporada, no coopero con los shopping sprees, I hate the mall. I dont know how to wrap a present, I dont want my daughter to believe in Santa ( which i suspect she already does) but dont have the heart para decirle o convenserla porque ya cuestiona, ( me dice es un hombre disfrazado) de lo contrario. Is a hasle. What should I buy for fulana? What should I buy for mengano. Then they look weird at me cause I ask them. Practicall me. I always ask...never have an answer...Oh..dont worry, you dont have to buy anything.! Yeah right. Of course I dont HAVE to. Is just being polite. Asshole. Anyways...I miss my mom in Cuba, Havent seen her in twelve years. I miss my friends, my home...here's just houses. Weird...I think about my dad, my grandma. I wish they could have meet my daughters. I guess that that God some people believe in thought i didnt deserve them or worst yet...they didnt. What a freaking life we live here. If hell does exist this should be it. No doubt about it.

I was talking today with this guy. Im impress how some people can live like nothing is going on in the world. Not affected by anything. They make a joke out of everything. I wish i could do so too, what the heck. I just can't. But we have chirstmas coming up, so...have to cheer up.